Question: Do people with “low self esteem” get on your nerves?
It has been my observation that these people usually have brought this low self esteem on themselves. For example, I saw a girl on a TV show talking about how her boyfriend called her “fat” all the time and that gave her a low self esteem… And the girl was HUGE! She was unbelievably fat! Now I am not defending her jerk boyfriend, but I don’t think her self esteem was lowered by her boyfriend’s comments. She just needs to put the fork down and maybe that would help her self esteem. What I mean is I think “low self esteem” is a cheap excuse that most people use simply so they can continue their own destructive behavior and disarm other people from saying anything to them, even if they just want to help. What do you think?
I am not saying I am free of imperfections. I am just saying that I would never blame being fat or rude or weak on anything than my own inability to deal with my own problems. I have plenty of imperfections but I do not blame them on “low self esteem”. I just make plans to try to fix them or I don’t, but the decision for me to do either has nothing to do with self esteem. And if my friend or girlfriend told me i was fat, I would assume that she said that because I was fat and needed to lose weight for my own good or health, not because she was attacking me or trying to make my self esteem low. Give me a break.
Book in my mind? The book in my minds reads as follow:
“Unless mentally weak people have bona fide medical problems, they bring these weaknesses on themselves and should not blame self esteem for their lack of self control”
fragil- that is ridiculous. Of course you can help people by pointing out flaws if you are their friend and love them. I am not talking about being a jerk to them or repeatedly hounding them about it. But you are delusional if you think that suggesting better lifestyle choices to people, especially those you know well or love, can bring tremendous positive changes to their lives.
Sorry, edit to above- you are delusional if you think that making lifestyle suggestions CANNOT help people make positive changes in their lives.
Sorry I keep editing but the comment by Fragil… person is so completely silly.
If my best friend was getting fatter and fatter each month to the point where it was making him or her miserable, I would not say stupid things like “You have such a lovely singing voice.” or “You sure can build bird houses well” That is just utter stupidity and in my opinion negligent. I would try to be polite but I would certainly want to get to the bottom of what was making them pack on the pounds, and then I would say whatever was necessary to get them to lose the weight. If I had to slap them playfully in the belly 20 times a day and hum the KFC jingle, I would do whatever I had to do to try to get them to a healthy weight again. And I would look at this like I was helping them and I GUARANTEE you they would be thankful in the end because I would honestly be caring about them. If I had to use humor, inspiration, whatever, I would do it for any of my friends. If they directly told me to stop I would.
The closest I can get to agree with you completely is your point about how people who care about each other should bring up each other’s flaws without being too aggresssive or rude. Offering to exercise with someone is a much better way to approach the subject rather than just saying “you are fat”.
But I am making a slightly different point than what you are thinking. Do you ever listen to Denis Leary? He said that when he was a child his family didn’t know what “therapy” was. Therapy for him was getting slapped around by his dad and then having to mow the grass while crying. Not only is that hilarious but I understand the point- life is too short to go around being a victim, so no matter what happens, people should pull themselves up by their bootstraps and stop accepting the role of a vicitm, no matter what the situation is. People, unless they are criminally assaulted, are only victims when they allow it to happen.
Please know I respect your view and I wish you the best
Answer by Espresso Kid
Try read the book, which is in your own mind. When you understand that, you will know what is basically driving people to do what they do.
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