Do people with “low self esteem” get on your nerves?
Question: Do people with “low self esteem” get on your nerves?
It has been my observation that these people usually have brought this low self esteem on themselves. For example, I saw a girl on a TV show talking about how her boyfriend called her “fat” all the time and that gave her a low self esteem… And the girl was HUGE! She was unbelievably fat! Now I am not defending her jerk boyfriend, but I don’t think her self esteem was lowered by her boyfriend’s comments. She just needs to put the fork down and maybe that would help her self esteem. What I mean is I think “low self esteem” is a cheap excuse that most people use simply so they can continue their own destructive behavior and disarm other people from saying anything to them, even if they just want to help. What do you think?
I am not saying I am free of imperfections. I am just saying that I would never blame being fat or rude or weak on anything than my own inability to deal with my own problems. I have plenty of imperfections but I do not blame them on “low self esteem”. I just make plans to try to fix them or I don’t, but the decision for me to do either has nothing to do with self esteem. And if my friend or girlfriend told me i was fat, I would assume that she said that because I was fat and needed to lose weight for my own good or health, not because she was attacking me or trying to make my self esteem low. Give me a break.
Book in my mind? The book in my minds reads as follow:
“Unless mentally weak people have bona fide medical problems, they bring these weaknesses on themselves and should not blame self esteem for their lack of self control”
fragil- that is ridiculous. Of course you can help people by pointing out flaws if you are their friend and love them. I am not talking about being a jerk to them or repeatedly hounding them about it. But you are delusional if you think that suggesting better lifestyle choices to people, especially those you know well or love, can bring tremendous positive changes to their lives.
Sorry, edit to above- you are delusional if you think that making lifestyle suggestions CANNOT help people make positive changes in their lives.
Sorry I keep editing but the comment by Fragil… person is so completely silly.
If my best friend was getting fatter and fatter each month to the point where it was making him or her miserable, I would not say stupid things like “You have such a lovely singing voice.” or “You sure can build bird houses well” That is just utter stupidity and in my opinion negligent. I would try to be polite but I would certainly want to get to the bottom of what was making them pack on the pounds, and then I would say whatever was necessary to get them to lose the weight. If I had to slap them playfully in the belly 20 times a day and hum the KFC jingle, I would do whatever I had to do to try to get them to a healthy weight again. And I would look at this like I was helping them and I GUARANTEE you they would be thankful in the end because I would honestly be caring about them. If I had to use humor, inspiration, whatever, I would do it for any of my friends. If they directly told me to stop I would.
Fatdude-
The closest I can get to agree with you completely is your point about how people who care about each other should bring up each other’s flaws without being too aggresssive or rude. Offering to exercise with someone is a much better way to approach the subject rather than just saying “you are fat”.
But I am making a slightly different point than what you are thinking. Do you ever listen to Denis Leary? He said that when he was a child his family didn’t know what “therapy” was. Therapy for him was getting slapped around by his dad and then having to mow the grass while crying. Not only is that hilarious but I understand the point- life is too short to go around being a victim, so no matter what happens, people should pull themselves up by their bootstraps and stop accepting the role of a vicitm, no matter what the situation is. People, unless they are criminally assaulted, are only victims when they allow it to happen.
Please know I respect your view and I wish you the best
Answer:
Answer by Espresso Kid
Try read the book, which is in your own mind. When you understand that, you will know what is basically driving people to do what they do.
Give your answer to this question below!
And how is your self-esteem? Can you look in the mirror and tell the truth?
Your views are shortsighted in many ways.
Why would it not surprise me if you have low self esteem yourself?
Not all the factors that contribute to low self esteem are within an individual’s locus of control. However, the way we respond to our own feelings is within our control.
You know, if you really are completely free from faults and imperfections, I would encourage you to continue making snap judgments like this.
Postscript:
Has someone who has had low self esteem hurt you in some way? You seem quite adamant about your views that people who suffer from low self esteem have themselves to blame, and only themselves, for having it.
Does that sound logical to you? Does it sound reasonable?
That is why I am bemused by your assertions here. You seem to be quite intelligent. You articulate yourself well. The only logical reason I can come up with for your dogmatic views about people with low self esteem is that, peradventure, someone has brought harm to you in some way.
Humans are interesting creatures. We are so complex. Did you ever realize that we, very often, despise traits in others that we may refuse to acknowledge that exist within ourselves?
Okay, for example…I work in an office. This gentleman who works there often whines and complains about the most trivial things you may imagine. There is a sense of irony, in that I often tell my Fiance how much he (the gentleman from my office) exasperates me.
She had the courage to ask me if I am actually seeing some of my own shortcomings in his displays of infantile behavior. And you know what? That was a dreadfully valid question.
In our society, women in particular are put under tremendous pressure to be thin. They are flooded with simulacra of women whom are emaciated, and whom are considered by a majority of people to be attractive. In one aspect, society is to blame.
I am sorry to differ with you about one modicum…I believe that this girl to whom you referred in the details of your question was negatively affected by her boyfriend’s comments. But it was her fault for accepting that sort of treatment. She should have stood up to his rude comments, and told him to shut the hell up. You see- she believed that he was right. And, who knows? Maybe he was right. In point of fact, maybe this young lady is fat. So what? Can you name any psychologist who would say that that kind of criticism will motivate her to improve herself? On the contrary. It will become a vicious cycle. She will medicate herself with food, gaining more weight, giving more creedence to her @sshole boyfriend’s gratuitous commentary.
Maybe name calling does work for some people- but I have yet to meet anyone like that. I have never heard of someone being insulted like that by someone they trust and love, and that insult becoming the impetus for positive change in life. Have you?
Instead, he could have said that he was worried about her health. He could have taken her to dinner, and bought her a salad. He could offer to exercise with her, so that they can both get into shape together.
But once again, she is partially to blame. She is in a victim mentality. If she had any self respect, she would put her boyfriend in his place- or else burn that bridge down to embers all together.
It has actually been my own experience that girls with slightly low self esteem are actually very attractive. Tragically, sometimes, though certainly not invariably, they have been abused at some point in their lives. That is one contributory factor to low self esteem. But normally speaking, it is much more involuted and complex than that. There is an amalgamation of factors that may cause low self esteem.
Do you really believe that the boyfriend was intending to help his girlfriend by calling her fat repeatedly? Come on, now. You are much too bright to falter for that. I can tell just by your question and the language that you employ that you are a bright person.
Are we really that strong? Everyone has weaknesses. The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote that “even the strongest have their moments of fatigue.” Being that we are all human, part of the human condition is to have weaknesses and flaws.
The external part of ourselves is only one solitary characteristic of us. It is inconsequential if we are fat, skinny, ugly, bald, or unusual in appearance. Looking deeper into the chasm of the soul, we can see what truly matters. Someone may not be alluring from on the outside looking in, but they may have a deeper elegance hidden beyond that veil of the flesh.
Moreover, there are some rare cases of overweight people being obese due to genetically predetermined factors. These only constitute a small percentage of the entire obese population, but just bear in mind that being fat is not always the individual’s fault.
Yes they do and I can’t stand to be around the sad sack whiny downers (gloom, despair and agony on meeeeee) !!!!! They do use every little excuse they can think of to get out of doing anything. They take more time whining trying to get out of something than it would actually take them to do it !!! Now if someone is really truly depressed I will do anything to help but you begin to tell the difference real quick and I refuse to enable anyone to act that way around me !!!
I get what you mean.
I hate when people SAY they have ‘low self esteem’- the people that truly have low self esteem, don’t think they’re worth that label, and blame it on themselves.
And also people use it as a bit of a throw away comment. ‘I made out with your boyfriend because I have low self esteem’ was something I actually heard once- they tried to justify their behaviour because they were underconfident. Underconfidence does NOT make you do bad things…
And about your last bit, and that girl, lol, I hate people like that. ‘I know I’m fat but you don’t need to tell me that’. It’s like if a doctor tells them they’re clinically obese and need to lose weight it’s a personal affront and then doctor is destroying their self esteem. Basically ‘boo hoo, stop eating.’
Yeah I think I might just have ranted a bit and gone slightly off topic but whatever.
“…even if they just want to help.” Well, what a helpful attitude you have:
“You don’t have an inferiority complex, you’re just inferior.”
LOL.
People with genuinely low self-esteem focus on the negative in themselves (whether it is really there or not) to the point where they cannot see the positive. What IS helpful for such people is to assist them in seeing the positive in themselves. In your example of the “fat” girl (body image for women can be a tragically over-emphasized quality), maybe she’s a really good, understanding friend, or has a fabulous singing voice, or some much more important characteristic than her body. Then she’ll care enough about herself to take care of herself (or not — body weight is none of your business).
You don’t help anyone by pointing out obvious flaws, expecially body image. Like she doesn’t know. Sheesh.