Question: I really need some help. VERY long, but i think i may be developing anorexia.?
So this all started a week before thanksgiving. I was about 135 lbs, im 13 and 5’8″. I felt (and still do) feel horrible about myself and i thought (and still think) that i was very fat. I jiggle when i jump and i was a size 7 in jeans! I was at an all time low. I felt like everyone hated me because i was fat, felt like i wasn’t popular because i was fat, felt like i wasn’t worth any ones time, like nobody cared about me, because i was fat, etc etc.
I started researching anorexia and i started asking questions about it on Y!A. I kept thinking about it and realized that i need to lose weight NOW. So i cut my meals down to a yogurt or two eggs for breakfast, a banana or apple for lunch, and a 200-300 calorie dinner. I was swimming about 2 hours on friday, and went to the gym for 30 mins on the weekends. I felt great! Powerful and thin! I kept that up for like three days, losing about a pound a day. On the third day i ate a burger. As soon as i finished, the thoughts going through my head were “Your a faliure. You fatty, of course you failed. Your a complete faliure, your worth nothing, cause your FAT. Your fat. fat fat fat.” etc. My only comfort was that i would start over tomorrow, that i would eat even less tomorrow and it would even out. Then, the voice slowly subsided.
I started over again on Monday of that week. at first, i followed the diet i had at home on the weekend, but slowly started eating more and more, up to almost 1000 calories (i kept a calorie log and while i was dieting i ate about 500-700 calories per day.) I kept up sort of a cycle, severe dieting for two days and on the third day eating about 1000 calories. I felt horrible, guilty and angry with myself, the terrible thoughts swirling in my head after the third days. However, I went from 135 lbs to 126 in about a couple weeks.
Suddenly, on thanksgiving, i binged and ate EVERYTHING. I ate constantly, literally all day. The next day i weighed myself and went from 127 to 130!! I panicked and tried to immediately return to my severe diet, but found myself bingeing again. I gained another pound the next day.
Ever since then, ive been slowly restricting my diet and my mom and dad are getting worried. Im now 127.5 lbs and losing. I now have a lot of symptoms of anorexia (not eating more than 700 calories per day, guilt after eating, dizziness, depression, measuring food by cups and 1/2 cups, keeping a calorie log, visiting pro ana sites sometimes, etc.) I took a test online and my results said i was developing an ED. I NEVER puke after eating, but im starting to get a feeling like i want to. I also havent pooped in a couple days.. lol.. My mom makes fun of me when i eat normally, saying “oh if your anorexic you cant eat that.” and “i thought anorexics never eat.” My family makes fun of me, calling me anorexic, etc, but then they say their worried about me. Im starting to skip lunch and i lied to my parents, telling them i ate a burger, just so they would shut up about me.
Weight is always on my mind, i check myself out whenever i can and literally the first thing i think of is “FAT!” I squeeze my tummy and feel handfuls of fat, my thighs touch, i just feel OBESE. I know technically im not though. I just feel like if only i lost weight everything would be much better, my life would be amazing. Im getting very depressed in school when i see my friends getting attention and i think “of course they do, their SKINNY. you ARENT.” I ate 600 calories today and felt guilty, im starting to dislike the full feeling. I fear eating now because im afraid i wont stop. I do stop, but i eat tiny things after dinner, like an orange or a couple pretzels, and feel GUILTY. My goal weight is 120 lbs, but i want to go even lower like 115 or 110. I dont want to tell my parents either, i dont want to be stopped before i lose weight.
Im sorry this is so long, but i need help. Someone, anyone, please help me. Answer, please. Thanks so much to those who even read all this :’(
Answer by cool starry bra.
Slow and steady wins the goal. Too many chase the beta and hence too many fail in the end. It’s all a basic philosophy lesson.
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